The Grass is Greener on The Other Side (Or, Not)

For the past weeks, I’ve been getting messages from my friends. And I’m not sure why they’re talking about the same topic (FYI, they don’t know each other and they’ve never met each other before).

They’re asking the same question to me, “How to be happy?”

As much as I want them to read my blog post about happiness, I’ll just be a good friend and answer as wise (or witty) as I could possibly can (which most of the time, I can’t). And it’s definitely not the right time to discuss the Law of attractions with them either.

I think I can almost conclude that most people feel bored with their lives. I believe most of you are tired of working from 8 to 5. Some of you feel that you just want to give up with your relationships. Another group of you might want to pack your bags and leave this planet, start a new life, if you only could. (That would be quite expensive though, because the journey to Mars needs a lot of money, which only means you need to work really F*cking harder for that). So let’s skip the latter option, shall we?

Most of us have different lifestyles, wealth, opportunities, responsibilities, etc; that we tend to get worried of certain things, and worse, we start to compare ourselves to others. The worst thing is when we compare our own life with the ones on Instagram.

Your watch may be digital, but your live is analog

Well, thanks to the technology that now, life becomes easier (or not?).

We have more choices on everything, that we become tired of choosing. We become so scared that our choices are wrong just because there are so many of them to choose from!

How many of you lie awake at night, thinking about what you’re doing, or what you’ll do next, or what you’ve missed out, or what you’ve wasted?

In a world where everything is in a fast pace, we tend to walk with a sense of urgency. We think we are running out of time to do big things and if we don’t catch up, we’ll fail.

This is why, it’s so easy for us to feel burdened. To feel that we haven’t met our own criteria as a successful businessman, as a supervisor, as a happy wife, as a loving husband, as a child, as a parent, and so on.

All of us, are running, towards what we call happiness. But what most of us don’t know; is that

If you can’t feel happy TODAY, you won’t be, tomorrow.

You’re only creating disaster when you focus on things you don’t have. You will NEVER EVER be happy if you think the grass is always greener on the other side. *In case of Instagram, you know they can filter the grass, which makes a greener green?

Once you move into that greener grass, you’ll start to think that the other neighbor's grass is greener, and the neighbor's next to your neighbor's grass.. and this thought will never stop.

Focus on the present, because the present is a gift (oh yeah, you’ve heard this before, you’ll always hear it!)

Quoting from Aunty Acid:

“Caffeine is bad for you

Fat is bad for you

Sugar is bad for you

But don’t Worry

Worrying is bad for you too!”

*If you don’t know who’s Aunty Acid, you can find it here (she’s like.. the funniest, bitchiest, most sarcastic realistic aunt you’ll ever want to meet and do high-five with!)

Whenever you start to worry or you lose yourself, or wonder if you could be happy somewhere else; it’s time to slap yourself back to the present moment and see what’s surrounding your life right now.

You have your parents still alive? Grateful for that!

You can spend money on a cup of coffee? Great!

You have books to read? That means you have sights, right? Thank God!

You have friends to laugh with or lean on? Then you have everything!

Please, enjoy the moment and stop worrying too much, because it’s all we’ve got. Our past has gone and don’t worry about the future – it hasn’t arrived yet.

The grass isn’t greener on the other side. It never is.

What to Do When Everything That Can Go Wrong Does Go Wrong

Let’s admit, it’s not easy to deal with any rejection – be it a relationship, a job interview or anything else in between.

It is even harder to stay positive when all the problems seem to swallow you up. We can feel really bad when we lose our job or when our relationship seems to be stuck. The reason why we feel bad is because people can’t deal with rejections.

Some of us may not be able to properly handle these bad experiences because simply, we don’t know how to.

Rejection is inevitable
In almost any stage of our lives, we have dealt with rejections whether it’s in love, social life or job. The best way we can do is to have a proper understanding on how to deal with bad experiences and show trauma where the door is.

Rejection is part of life
Even Donald Trump has dealt with rejections.
A failure doesn’t mean the end of the world. It simply is a pathway to help you notice which works and which doesn’t. When you deal with rejections in the right way, you will quickly learn that failure is just a pebble standing between you and your success. Of course, you will feel bad but don’t let it take over you.

Rejection that leads to insecurity
When we are criticized, we tend to feel insecure. We feel we are not good enough and hopeless. The senses arise and we wonder if the pains ever go away. As a human, we don’t get used to be abandoned or threatened.

And it is important not to worry about the fragility but think that we are only human. We have vulnerable sides and it is completely okay to feel bad after being rejected or criticized. But hey, didn’t American Idol judges criticize, too?

We tend to think that rejection is bad. Not being in the first position is bad; failing on a relationship is bad. Everything we do, we tend to distinguish the good and the bad without taking notes on the struggles.

When you are being rejected, that doesn’t mean you are a bad lover or a bad worker. It means you are shown the wrong things before finally finding the right one. It helps you to know which pain is worth the suffering before you finally reach your goals.

Sounds, cliché but true. It is up to you, whether to go down in despair or get back up and move on. Always be objectives It is hard not to be on one side but you need to think objectively when dealing with rejection.

Have you worked hard enough? Have you given enough attention and effort? It is wise to firstly look in the mirror and identify the problem threads before pointing fingers. Find your way to release the stress - Remember the last time someone broke your heart and look at you now, already forget about it?

This is what happens when you let time heals. The previous rejections are simply a reminder to keep you move on and knowing that you are on the right path to your goals be it in relationship or business. - Take a deep breath and let your body relax. The stress of works and the troubles of life can really break you into pieces if you don’t let the mind calm. Technically, this method has been used by psychologists and it is a basic relaxation technique that anyone can apply.

 - Think positive
Why do you have to think negatively when thinking positively costs nothing? It is better to feel good regardless of any circumstances you are going through. It is better to think that the rejection leads to the right path than to think the rejection leads to a doom.

 - Be open to the differences
Every person is unique and a situation may be handled differently. There will be no two people who think exactly the same way, even if they are twins. It is important to be self conscious when it comes to the differences in people and not to expect too high because it could possibly hurt you.

Bad Relationships - When Enough is Enough

In every relationship, there is no such thing as black or white. But there are times that you question your partner’s behavior, is it acceptable? Do you intentionally hurt me? You want to believe that he or she is not doing it on purpose but then your mind seems to have a war.

In a relationships, partners can make mistakes and not all perfect, need encouragement and sometimes forgiveness. But I often ask myself, how many times should a person be forgiven?

Action speaks louder than words 
Little signs are The Signs. When a person makes no effort in making you stay, then you should not be waiting anymore time to leave. Sometimes we tend to believe that he is a good person but with the consistent behavior showing the contradictions – it should be a clear, obvious sign that he is not listening to you, he is not interested to take care of you or simply being there for you.

If he keeps breaking his promises, perhaps he is an emotionally unavailable partner that will constantly have to be reminded. If you really can’t decide whether to give up or to give in, trust actions. Words are deceiving.

Making excuses 
Do you find yourself making excuses just to correct your partner’s behavior? It simply signifies that the behavior is unacceptable.

You can’t consistently try to mend the wrongs. It is not your fault that someone has a bad relationship in the past, or a tough childhood. That doesn’t mean it’s okay to treat you badly under any circumstances.

It is better to take care of yourself first before you give your love to others. Self-respect is important; so before you feel a compassion to others, make sure that you don’t lose yourself.

Manipulative 
Some people are just experts in being manipulative. They could turn around an excuse as a weapon to make it looks as if is your fault. Sometimes it is difficult to determine whether you are really wrong or you are just a victim.

If you feel like you are not needy but your partner feels you are clingy, perhaps it’s never your fault. You can constantly think you are the crazy one when your friends think you are doing the right thing.

Lying is not healthy 
It is normal, but if it happens constantly, it’s not healthy. Being deceptive means you have too many secrets to hide from your partner. You can’t even trust him with your secrets. It is a blunder in a relationship to be in that level of deceptive.

If you find that you or your partner has to avoid conflicts by lying or making excuses, then this is an obvious sign of an unhealthy relationship.

Unwillingness to change
If your partner has cheated on you, yes, you may forgive him or her. But if the behavior does not change, then you should leave the bad relationship behind. Changes are necessary just like compromises.

If your partner is found guilty but doesn’t make any effort to change, then perhaps he is not sorry at all?
Don’t let the habit kills you. You need to be kind enough to walk away from the drama.

Constant miscommunication
If the small arguments lead to big issues, perhaps both of you have a hard time communicating. You should talk to your partner as if you are talking to your best friend. It is necessary for couples to express themselves in communications.

If they respect you, they want you to grow
Everyone has weaknesses and this should not be used to disrespect anyone. If a partner truly loves you, he or she would want you to grow. No matter how bad your past relationships were, your present partner will not use it against you.

If you really can’t decide if you are having a bad relationship because you are being emotionally invested, you can discuss your problem to someone who has nothing to do with the relationship. These people can be family or best friends. And it's obvious, they want what’s best for you and they don’t want you feel untreated. Be kind to yourself and walk away.

employer Tips: Employer Tips on the Importance of Showing Appreciation

A boss is not someone who will cry with an employee in the bathroom. It’s not the nature. And an employee will not want to befriend with the boss either.

If you are a boss, don’t ever wish to become your employees’ number one favorite person. But you need them to get the job done excellently. So, what should you do?
Things you don’t know but you should know

Every individual has a desire to be admired or noticed. In a business that’s filled with competition and sales pitch; workers might need a little boost to make them reach a higher target. There’s nothing that scares an employee more than a fierce-looking boss behind the desk. If you want a positive working environment with positive people surround you, you should appreciate what they do.

 You may be feeling under pressure. And so do your employees A survey conducted by Terry Bacon stated that 74% employees want their manager to appreciate who they are and what they do. The data proved that you are not the only person who is feeling stressed when things go wrong. Your employees actually want to fix things and want you to appreciate the temporary failed project to gain a successful goal next time.

They are trying to tell you, “If you appreciate my work today, I promise I’ll give my best tomorrow.” Employees need a typical leadership role model in this imperfect life Life is already not perfect. But a boss can step up as a peacekeeper to make sure things go the way it should. You don’t really need to show your emotions to them as they do well, but you can say a sincere “Good job!” or “Thank you!” in return.

Don’t worry; it doesn’t lessen their respect to you. The idea of giving appreciation is to accelerate their work. As you admire them, they will want to show you something more; better sales, better customer service and better business. 

Appreciate employees to grasp something important from them
Your employees might notice a thing or two about the competitors. But what’s in it for them if they tell you? Of course, they want you to appreciate their little investigation during their lunch break. Employees are the first-line guard against your competitors. If you don’t want them to be at your competitor’s side or leak your company’s big issues, you have to make them feel safe and great about working with you.

What kinds of appreciations do you give to your staffs? I'm eager to know! Kindly leave comments. Thanks!

How Social Media Affects Personal Communication

As Facebook tries to remind you to wish your friend “Happy Birthday!” with a sidebar, you eventually get comfortable with screen to screen conversations. Surprisingly, people are not experiencing cultural shock with the transition from one-on-one talking to screen-to-screen chatting. They seem to enjoy it and follow the stream. As avid Internet users, people never realize that social media tools have actually changed the way they communicate. It has become a regular activity one must do to stay on trend.

The sense of interpersonal communication

You have been lacking real communication due to your busy activities and this is where social media plays its role. You can still interact with friends and family through the use of electronic devices. Social media becomes a new medium to connect each other privately and publicly. Some of you may find it more comfortable tweeting your best friend than texting or talking to her in person. However, you still feel that you are talking to her as in one-on-one conversation through your public account.

Loosing personal touch

Those emoticons and auto-texts are too cute to be left behind; you have an emoticon for “laugh out loud” or is it "Rolling of the floor"? (Seriously, you can't roll of the floor laughing for few times! You'll get head trauma!), or an ugly Domo auto-text for the people that makes you mad, and only your device knows how many others you have. However, an emoticon is a TEXTual portrayal. It’s lacking real emotion and sometimes, it’s misinterpreted.

As social media users, people are losing their personal touch because they can send 'a laugh' while putting a serious look and 'a cry' when they're actually happy. People almost forget how it feels to have a real conversation (or real rolling of the floor laughing!) in person because they enjoy typing their thoughts without the same expression they need to.

The heavily-edited version of you

Dr. Jonah Berger, a social psychologist at the Pennsylvania University explained, “When you write something, you have the time to construct and refine what you say.” Hence, when you have an oral conversation, you don’t have time to think about the perfect thing to say. Her experiment shows that people say positive things when they are talking to a bigger audience. This result explains the perfectly flawless life that always shows up on social media.

It’s through interpersonal communication that you can show the real you. But the invention (or intervention) of social media affects the way you want the world to see you. You might feel that everyone looks better on social media; and that’s the real problem. Social media can make you feel an instant happiness and also, in the worst case scenario, a sudden loser.

What kind of friendship do you have?

Since we were kids, we were taught about friendship at school. Our classmates were our friends. We played hide and seek with the neighbors, and we called them friends. We move to the city and the roommate is our friend. We land on a job and the desk next door belongs to the colleague whom we later call, a friend. 

Friendship provides us with the physical and mental well being. The mutual goodwill of friendship, as described by Aristotle, *(No, I don't read it directly from his book. No, I'm not a philosopher either. Just saying.). 

Well, Aristotle said that Friendship creates a bond between two or more people. 

Difficult topics like love, romance, or family’s ‘dirty laundry’ – are just some of the innermost thoughts we share with our true friends. The emotion is authentic. We don’t pretend to laugh or be empathetic, but we just do. You’d feel bad when someone breaks your friend’s heart; you’d feel happy when he or she is getting a career promotion; you’d feel worried when he/she is sick. (Okay, we’re not talking about Instagram friend that says your #selfie with #NoFilter is #Awwww #sooo #pretty)

When I’m talking about friendship, I’m not talking about the casual friends that you share your feelings but still have careful thoughts how you share those things. I’m talking about the True friendship where I can discuss personal problems without incorporating the self-edited version of me. It’s like they know how clumsy I am and I know how witty they are. And really, you don’t need a life coach to find your best friends, somehow, they just appear as if the universe conspires you to meet them.

You can actually switch role from being ‘the person who takes care of’ to ‘the person who is taken care of’. It happens spontaneously like when you meet your friend in a coffee shop and pour the heart out without ever saying, “Let’s begin the talk,” – it just flows.

For me, my best friend is the one who:

• -         Ice you
• -         Scold you
• -         Slap you
• -         Drag you back from cloud 9 to the real hard ground with their logic mind
• -         Keep you company when you need it the most
• -         Listen to you (even when they feel bored with your whines!)
• -         Laugh over something or agree on something that only both of you understand
• -         Come to your rescue
• -         Celebrate your moments
• -         Show you unconditional support

I’m blessed to have real friendship with the people whom I truly adore and admire(I never really say this to them, but really, I do!). Not many of us can share the same passion with our friends. And not many of us have that kind of friendship. This is why, when you have these kind of people in your circle, keep them. Show them that you care (because you really care); and appreciate their presence, while they’re still there. 

When talking about friendship, I always remember this question:

When your relationship fails; When your family is broken; When you get a promotion; When everything falls apart – who will be there for you?

And that really sums up which friend is the best friend.

"In the end, it's our best friends who make everything bearable."

PS.

If you are single right now, don’t feel bad about it. This is the time to reconnect with your close friends that you might have forgotten because you’re too caught up with your ex. Friends are those people who will build up your confidence even if it’s from zero point. They will somehow find a way to cheer you and make you feel happy with yourself.

The ones who make your life less stressful and suddenly you feel that this earth isn't really a horrible place to live.